Stuck in the Muck? Let’s Talk

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Stuck? Feel like you’re coasting in a fog? Bored? Caught in a revolving door? Up to your knees in quicksand or simple mud? Wish you had a better job? A better house? More ‘stuff’ you can’t afford? Going through the motions of attending church but not getting anything out of it? 

I would say: you’re stuck!!

Being stuck is not the same as depression, particularly depression which needs clinical help. Depression is an illness; being stuck is a choice! You do not choose to be depressed but you do choose the lazy malaise called ‘being stuck.’ You can use your own creativity and resources to get ‘unstuck.’

A friend and I delight in watching the Peacock series Escape to the Chateau, in which a British couple are restoring a palatial chateau in semi-rural France that is well over 100 years old and has been abandoned for decades. (It appears that abandoned chateaus in France – and there are many – can go for a paltry sum of $40,000 if the prospective owner is willing to restore it and absorb those costs.) The couple, Dick Strawbridge and his wife Angela, made such an investment 8 years ago and immediately started their caring, hard-working challenge to make a family home and a resort and a venue for weddings, and parties of all kinds. I like the series for the amazing creativity of the couple. He is an engineer, and his inventiveness has brought electricity, landscaping, rebuilding of old structures, and even the completely new roof. Plus, he is chef for the events they host. She is an interior designer extraordinaire. She can retrieve old wallpaper for tile coverings, make old furniture into functional furniture, create amazing living centers for family and guests. What I like about the show is that this couple is always happy. Of course, they must have their ups and downs as any couple has but one can tell the innate happiness of each as they pursue what could be interminable obstacles for others.  

In an article by Judith Newman (NYT Book Review, May 14, 2023, p. 7), three books are reviewed on the topic of being stuck. I took away from the review several helpful ideas. First, we cannot ‘will’ away the world’s problems with naïve approaches. For instance, we might register disgust over climate issues, world poverty, wars, and even closer to home the loss of someone’s health or the death of a friend or family member. But we get stuck when we merely shake our heads and say, “I’m sorry.” We think that being empathetic and sympathetic is enough. But we need to do something – even in our limited circle – to address some evil that has befallen another. We need to go out of our way, out on a limb, as the saying goes. We need to escape our comfort zone. While addressing one issue, we will approach other issues with a more open attitude and maybe even find ways to face them in a positive way. Like the Strawbridges, we will find immense joy when we leave our comfort zones and see challenges instead of obstacles. 

Denial is a big ingredient to keep you stuck. Denial says the spouse will change without intervention (despite evidence to the contrary). Denial says I’m not good enough, smart enough, attractive enough to get ahead in life. Denial says I can’t do such and such because I did not have a good education.

Curiosity is an antidote to ‘stuck.’ Have you ever been curious about something but afraid to look into it? Wonder if you can draw? Or sew? Or start a garden, a book club, a craft? Think you might like to help with kids who are struggling to stay in school? You can do something about all of this by simply starting. Roll up your sleeves and go at it!!

If you are stuck in general, you are probably stuck in your faith life as well. Attending church once-a-week is not enough. A vibrant prayer life is necessary. You might be a good believer, but you’re stuck if you only go to the place of your worship and do nothing else faith centered. The basic tenet of worship is to send you out, to reinforce you with the grace needed to serve others. To fill your soul and share the surfeit with the world around you. To get unstuck! You also need a spiritual director to help journey with you and keep your faith green and fresh and lively within your soul. The theological term often used to describe a stuck spirituality is acedia meaning dryness, brittleness, a lack of rootedness. You need water and nutrients for your soul as you do for your body.

I am describing simple ‘stuckness’ here but Carmelite theologian, Constance Fitzgerald says that a deeper form called impasse can grow like a weed from what I refer to as being stuck. “It is an experience of disintegration, or deprivation of worth, and has many faces, personal and societal.” A caveat is important here: action for its own sake is not an answer. We need to connect action to thoughtful, even contemplative prayer. This is why a spiritual guide is so important.

Reflection

In the days ahead, we will encounter the feast of Pentecost when the Christian Church was enlivened with faith and was set afire with zeal and enthusiasm to go out and preach, heal, evangelize so that all people would become exhilarated with the knowledge that they are saved by a merciful and loving God. The apostles and disciples had to leave the room where they had been hiding; they had to emerge from their comfort zones and shake their ‘stuckness’ and literally run into the crowds shouting, “in languages as the Spirit enabled them to do so.” If ever there is an example of people abandoning the ease of being stuck, it is the Acts of the Apostles.

Read Chapter 2 of Acts this week. Let it seep into your soul. Make a short list of what you can do to become unstuck and to live the wholesome life God wants you to have.

Resource in addition to the NYT Book Review: Desire, Darkness and Hope: Theology in a Time of Impasse by Constance Fitzgerald, OCD. p. 79.