More on Understanding Prayer and Tragedy

Photo Credit: L’Arche Cleveland

In light of the Minnesota school shooting, several of you commented personally on the last post which centered on where is God in tragedy and are prayers heard during such tragedies? A few struggled with something I would like to handle this week and that is what about children born with incurable diseases or lifelong handicaps? Is God in these heart-wrenching occasions with the children and their parents? 

Simple enough. The shootings and aftermath my readers understood. God cannot control the will of the shooter. Yes, the children were victims of this errant will to do evil as were the children of the many school shootings these past years. But what about babies born with incurable diseases or handicaps? Several of you have asked: How can God allow this? No shooter or malevolent person caused this. Did God?

Short answer: God did not cause this. So, who or what is responsible for the mishap that entered into a child’s conception? Answer: The fallen world. These are the mistakes that enter a biological system of mother and child, of a father’s lineage, of a genetic misfire, of an accident, of poor diet, etc., etc. Sometimes we find answers but often we do not. But remember, God does not bring on the problem. He has set the universe free to grow and pro-create; this wonderful world, perfect in many ways, is also at the mercy of the negative forces that travel with us. Brokenness exists somewhere along the line, if you will.

Let’s take the view from 38,000 feet, the common cruising elevation for a passenger plane. From here we see an imperfect though beautiful world. Its imperfections are easily visible: sickness, war, poverty, violence. Some say this is the result of original sin; some claim it is the titanic struggle between good and evil. It is both. Into this brokenness enters the errant gene, or the latent ingredient for a terminal illness, or the mental acuity gone awry. A child is born with a disease, or missing a limb, or deaf, or having Down’s Syndrome. 

But here’s the catch. None of us escapes this brokenness. The cancer detected in my child may show up later in my life, the faulty hearing will appear when age warps the mechanism once healthy. The parents of a child born with an illness focus on the child’s care but who’s to say that down the road their other child won’t succumb to drugs, or alcohol, a sickness of a different kind? What is ‘normal’ and is it guaranteed for life? 

Many families find a different and beautiful perspective on life as they care for a special needs child. They often become part of support or advocacy groups and refuse to see themselves or their child as needing pity or sympathy. I am inspired by a couple with two adult sons who live with extreme special needs from cerebral palsy. Only lately have the sons been placed in a home providing care 24/7 because the aging parents cannot do the heavy lifting required for their care. To know this couple and how their lives are entwined with their sons is to witness how God lives in us and deeply loves us and is within the children born with incomprehensible challenges. These parents are the visible love of God for their sons. When I marveled that they treat their sons so ‘normally’ (arguing about sports and current events), they responded that’s how we model for them that they are normal, just in a different way from us. If you have visited or been part of L’Arche homes for the mentally challenged, you have people differently abled from you, often funny, quick-witted, and very sure of their place in life. I once enjoyed a dinner at a restaurant with one such woman who had dressed in her finery for the occasion. She even applied her favorite lipstick color! While we ate, some little children were running up and down the aisles yelling toward their parents who came and carried them to their table with a stern warning to behave. My friend had been smiling at the children as they ran around-because that is the proper thing to do-but when they were gone, she shook her head and then rolled her eyes, a body language demonstrating her maturity and mannerly disapproval of the children’s actions. I could not help but smile. When the bill came, she adroitly put her hand over it and slid it to herself because she wanted to treat me. She obviously had learned lessons in adult manners and showed herself to be a capable adult. 

Reflection

We need to remember that God does not cause the handicaps of children. It is the result of brokenness in an amorphous system of life. But when such children appear, they bring immense joy to us. They show how they can handle life without the trappings we have even though we call ourselves ‘normal.’  

Perhaps this week, we can thank God for the special needs persons in our lives. And let’s ask God’s continued blessings on them for the mission they live inspiring others to be simple and accepting of whatever trials they must face. The late spiritual writer and psychiatrist, Fr. Henri Nouwen has written extensively of lessons he learned living in a L’Arche community in Canada. You might want to look into his books which you can order on Amazon. 

Ask yourself: How do I perceive the special needs individual? Do I see them as blessings for others? Do I see them essentially the same as I – only differently abled?

Do I understand that they are manifestations of God’s love and not a mistake on the human continuum?

P.S. Lily will be back next week with her column. She is excited to share with you what she has learned lately from her mailbag.