How Did We Get This Way?

Last week’s blog centered on the growing lack of kindness offered to employees in any business. The subject still gnawed at me throughout the week. It alerted me also to an increase of foul language used by well-known people, some major leaders in government. I saw it on my news feed which quotes political leaders as well as entertainers and persons who have no particular profession but have mounted the Everest of notoriety as ‘influencers,’ through au couture in fashion, entertainment, and, yes, friends and advisors of government leaders!

I realize that a division of populations over the centuries, in every country, manifested themselves in outlandish ways to confront the tight and proper persons who governed them. Often, these confrontations, Shakespeare’s plays being an example, were dramatized as acceptable ways to study or evaluate the major differences between groups of different types of people; there was never, at least in my studies, an incrimination and disdain of the human person.

So, during lunch with a friend I inquired if she ever witnessed an employee being berated unmercifully by a customer and use any foul language. She proceeded to tell me of her own experience as a volunteer who serves lunch at a senior center in her average-sized city. The lunches are offered daily for only $3.00 and people attend fairly regularly. No, she never hears foul language, but she is shocked at the treatment of the volunteer servers of the meals. Comments are thrown about like, “I would never tell anyone to come here,” and “the veggies are mushy,” or “take this back, I won’t eat it!” One man said, “nothing is good here; your food is terrible.” My friend has been hurt and disappointed at these reactions. She thinks the people in the gathering do not think of the people making the meals. These are individuals-their own age—who cook a hot meal and try to make everything just perfect. They serve it with love. I would suggest someone open the lunch hour with a prayer and a thank you to the workers. 

Reflection

 I believe we have never experienced the cascading of mistreatment and under appreciation of each other at the level we do now. In the past, such behavior existed but not as overwhelming – at least as I see it. Perhaps the technology that presents incidents of unkindness by recording them for mass distribution does not help but what about our senior center where the cellphones are in pockets and purses and not recording the anger among customers? 

My friend and I asked: “How did we get this way?” How did we forget the manners and kindness we had been taught? Many of us are part of what broadcaster Tom Brokaw dubbed, “the greatest generation.” Does that generation still exist? Are we still there? 

Despite my argument here, I believe there are millions of kind and understanding people in our communities and I’m sure you believe that too. But I also believe that a lack of civility among our leaders gives permission for others, especially young children, to do the same in language and action. “Imitation is the highest form of flattery.” 

So, what can we do? What antidote can be applied? First, I think we need to meditate on our individual behavior. Take stock to catch ourselves when our behavior slips below the line of civility. We might ask: what makes us say certain offensive words or tell offensive jokes? I have concluded that correcting this concern starts with me. 

Saint Ignatius Loyola, founder of the Jesuits, created a wonderful prayer that can be something said at the end of the day to examine how you let your day unfold its graces for you. The prayer is The Examen. It’s not an examination of conscience but it is a format guiding you to see the graces you should thank God for and the shortcomings you are responsible for. The prayer begins with thanking God for the gifts of the day. Second, you ask to see those shortcomings where you were less a person than you could have been. Third, you provide an account of where you could have been better today. Fourth, you ask for pardon and fifth, you resolve to do better. You will see where you have been negligent in doing the right thing in contrast to what others were doing that was safe, but wrong. You will see where you need to stand up for someone and not be part of the crowd. 

A few years ago, I developed a list of heroes and heroines, and I occasionally add to it. It’s a good practice which I suggest for anyone struggling to avoid insulting behavior and learn what to appreciate “in the least of one’s brethren.”

God bless my readers and my Anonymous Angels…all who sit atop my prayer list and receive my love.